Sunday, July 5, 2009

i fucking hate how people can make me feel so insufficient/inferior/whatever you wanna call it. ... i know it's not really their fault i feel that way and that most of the blame should go to myself.. But I mean seriously, there's not one thing about myself right now that i'm proud of. I really really hate myself. REALLY. Some people may think i'm a liar for saying this because of the way i present myself. Some people tell me i don't realize how much i've got going for me. But honestly, i feel so trapped. I honestly don't believe it when people tell me i have a lot going for me. It's all BS.. I WISH that i had more going for me. It's like i got almost nothing going for me at all.
There's nothing special with me. I'm not smart, i'm not athletic, i'm not talented/gifted or whatever, and i'm a bland person to talk to. I'm just some kid who TRIES his best to be happy by being loud and hyper. Sometimes i wonder why people even talk to me or hang out with me. Honestly i just feel like an annoying distraction most of the time... but that's just how i deal. Why do people stick with me? I have nothing to offer. I'm not exactly the best person as i've pointed out. I guess some people see that and thats why they ditch me and find other friends... friends that have something to offer, like smarts, higher "status" or whatever. Hahah there are so many people with traits that make them a much better friend than me to have..
Seriously... i just feel like a second-string/third-string friend anyways.. Like a substitute when needed.

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